Falling Back Into It

Recently I've been doing lottery fantasies again. Four million, I say to myself in my mind. Four million.

I did the math: four million (cash, so eight million total, with 50% skimmed off the top by the state) would work out to about $11,000 a month. What could I do with $11,000 a month? 

Well, I could work on getting my teeth fixed, which is my current obsession. I don't even feel like I can spend the two to four thousand it's going to take to fix the teeth I still have, much less put in some new ones. (Even while writing it I thought: "You have two to four thousand dollars available to you?? That 

puts you ahead of millions of people already!") 

It's true. I have four thousand dollars - more, actually - available to me if I want to use it. I probably shouldn't because it's the crumbs of an inheritance I've already squandered most of. Accessing some of it would require selling stocks that are a part of my inheritance, from my mother who died over 20 years ago now. 

And it's spending money that could be saved, that could earn interest, that could grow. I already have a problem saving money and spending it wisely, so it seems even worse to spend this money that was handed down to me, a boost I could use to secure my future. 

On the other hand, this is "securing" my future, salvaging my teeth so that I can eat and enjoy a bit more of my future - right? Isn't this a wise and practical use of my money? Isn't it foolish to allow my teeth - my health, my quality of life - to deteriorate? 

But I can't get over feeling guilt for using the money, which is why I keep dreaming of the lottery, dreaming of more than enough money, dreaming of concierge care and someone making my appointments for me and the ability to take weeks off from work just to have my mouth ripped apart and put back together again. And so I recite the number to myself like a mantra: four million, four million, four million.

New Spending

I was at a friend's this weekend and I learned that he and his wife aren't going to build the house they wanted and will stay in the house they've got. He is resigned to this; his wife seems a bit more positive about it.

While I was there I had my lottery fantasies as always. I kept my figure "low" to think about what I could do for nothing. 

If I won five million and the government took half, I'd still have 2.5 million. Over 30 years, that's $83 thousand dollars a year, which is seven thousand dollars a month. If I kept my job (a big if), I could give away six thousand a month.

What I talked to my friend about, and what I would want to do for them, is to build onto their current house until eventually they had built a whole new house next to the old one and could tear the old one down. 

The main things I would want for them are a larger bathroom and bedroom. They survive okay as it is, but their bathroom especially could be expanded. I'd love to just build out one side of their house ten feet, making three of the rooms much larger. 

I'd like to build them a bathroom. A huge, sturdy, luxurious bathroom. Regardless of how the rest of your house is (and theirs is pretty okay), having a good bathroom makes a huge difference. Theirs is "okay" right now, but the shower is majorly cramped. I would want to build a huge, glorious shower that gives you lots of space - heck, it just occurred to me: his parents' retirement home would be a great model; it's got tons of space and three bedrooms and feels like a large home. I bet for them it would be a palace. I wonder how big it is.

Anyway, that's something I'd like to do with lots of money.

The other idea I had while walking from the bus stop was to send teens to Latin America on clean-up missions; have them go and clean up other people's trash, just as Latin Americans are doing here, in so many janitorial positions. (I just thought of that last part; it hadn't occurred to me until now.) 

I go this idea because I was walking home from the bus stop and seeing soda cans thrown in the grass. I should have stopped and picked them up, but I forgot I had bags with me and the people in my house don't recycle (it's maddening), so I'd have nowhere to put them anyway. But in my mind I blamed it on immigrants, because often times they don't have that idea inculcated in them; their struggles have been much more primal, so they haven't had the luxury of separating out recycling. Or maybe they never learned because their societies or towns didn't have recycling services, so everything went into the trash. 

(And I'd like to point out here that I'm well aware that I could be totally wrong and that it could be asshole American teenagers who don't give a shit and just throw their trash in the streets.)

In any case, I've heard talk about trash debacles in other countries, so I'd like to take some Americans and go address that issue. I'd like to take a group of twenty teens every week and send them to a Central American country to clean up some horribly littered area. Every week a group of teenagers going abroad and dealing with trash; on the one hand it gives the locals some sense of foreigners and that they're helping, and on the other hand it shows the Americans what it's like in other places and how lucky they are to have what they do and also that trash is actually a huge problem, even though we like to pretend it isn't. 

Of course, you could probably do this domestically. I don't know where, exactly, but maybe that could be part of the project; having people send in areas to be cleaned up, nominating their town or something.

As usual my thoughts turn to punishment and corrections, that this could/should somehow be a punishment for minor offenders; have kids have to get up close and personal with trash. Here in the DC area, I always thought they should have the upper class white kids have to clean up the "ghetto" areas, as a way to expose them, as a way to humiliate them, and as a way to give the residents a bit of shadenfraude. (Maybe the "mean" joy you feel at seeing others laid low isn't the right sentiment to reward, but it seems like it might feel like a sliver of balance.) 

Speaking of punishments and corrections, it just occurred to me that another diversion program for wayward kids would be to make them assist in a morgue for a day. They're "ballers" who aren't afraid of death? Okay; make them face it, head on, in a totally unglamorous and clinical way. See how they like it then. Put them in the locker room for a half hour or an hour, by themselves, at night. See how tough they are then.

There I go being mean again. I don't know what that's about. Maybe a more effective punishment would be to make them assist the people coming to view and identify the dead; to have them face and deal with extreme emotion for a day. Or sentence them to assist one family of a person - a young person - who has been killed by violence. Have them take that journey with the family, even if it's only for one day. Make them live the consequences.

Ah, I don't know.

With Unlimited Captial

I was walking through Georgetown here in DC the other night, and as I passed an apartment for sale (which was pretty tiny; I saw a realtor showing it the other day), I thought: I'd like to rent this place and give it to a Latin guy who's working as a dishwasher in one of the restaurants down on M Street.

Then I thought: "With unlimited funds, I buy a whole house and install a bunch of immigrants working in the service industry in this part of town. I'd buy a couple houses. If the zoning said single family only, I'd find a big family - with four kids, aunts, uncles, abuelos - and have them all move in. Then they could have guests for weeks or months at a time. Invite people from other countries.

Then I'd replicate the experiment in San Francisco, a place that's been documented as cut off from the working class. I buy a few giants houses and install service employees, and maybe firemen and policemen. I'd show the millionaires how it can be done, and tell the employees' stories to show how the situation is out of wack.

Maybe I'd do it in New York, too. I don't think of it with New York, for some reason. I assume it must be the same there, too, but I don't know it well enough to know, so I can't say. I have another idea for New York, but I'll write that up somewhere else.

Mega Millions Is $135m

I tend to do calculations of fractions of the prize, maybe to show myself that even sharing in a large prize would be a treasure beyond my wildest dreams. So:

One tenth of that would be $433,333 a year, which is $36,000 a month.

If you were one of one hundred people that won that jackpot, you would get $1.3 million, or $43,000 a year. That would be a healthy salary for me, and I could guy gifts and travel and work occasionally and maybe take classes here and there. 

So your grand prize - as a sole winner - would be $4m a year, equaling $360k a month. What would you do with that kind of money?

A co-worker recently complained about the money that the federal government was spending on fixing the Capitol dome, when he's got a spinal condition that needs an operation. (Whether I can believe this co-worker is questionable, but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt here.) I would give him that operation.

Maybe you could make a chain of kindness; giving one person something and then asking them to nominate the next person to receive a gift.

One of my friends has a friend who is having a hard time. I could help her by providing funding for childcare, so that she wouldn't have to miss work. And maybe she could also use some counseling (although my understanding is she already sees a therapist). 

When I do these things, I see how it can be hard to target money or support to people; how do you know it will actually help rather than make things worse? The only thing I could think of in this place is that if there were someone trying to start up a daycare center, I could fund that start-up and pay for this woman to have her kids watched. Or (because I'm thinking the kids may not be that young) pay some recent immigrant who needs work to stay with her children, helping her earn money and freeing up the mother to work.

But then I recall: is it actually her teenage son, who acts out and is a problem? What to do about that? Well, I suppose I could subject him to one of those extreme behavior programs, where they get kidnapped and taken to the middle of the wilderness and taught to work together. Those things were all the rage for a moment (I recall TV shows about them) but I don't know if they still exist. (Now I'm also recalling a scandal about one of them in Jamaica that was alleged to be much worse than it was billed as - although part of me wonders if maybe that wouldn't be better in some ways.)

I wonder about sending him outside his comfort zone, or sending him to Africa (he's African-American). Maybe Guyana, or China, somewhere he's not like anyone and doesn't know the language or anyone. 

Back in this country, thinking of myself, I think - as usual - of sporting events. Of going to tennis events across the world; soccer games in Spain and England; rugby in Ireland and Australia; cricket in Pakistan or wherever the Ashes is played. Japanese baseball. 

There's also American professional sports; crisscrossing the country to see football, baseball, and soccer (I'm not interested in seeing hockey or basketball). Or paying for other people to see the games. There is an organization here in DC that works with homeless children; how I'd love to send a bunch of them to see a professional sports game - whatever that might be. They would appreciate it much more than me.

I watched a documentary last night about a former marine who teaches wounded vets to fly fish as a way of healing from war and dealing with PTSD. I'd love to fund more programs like that, or just more programs for veterans to get out of civilization as a comedown from war, as a place to transition and reconnect to themselves and the natural world; to remember that society and culture is in some ways an illusion, and that what is eternal will always be there and that's the most important thing to keep in mind. (O'course, maybe I'm just spouting bullshit.)

Talking about vets and money, I saw a bit tonight on ABC World News about how Bob Woodruff's charity event "Stand Up for Heroes," raised five million dollars. 

Five million dollars?? No offense to the event, but that seems paltry considering that we have 300 million American citizens and even if one-third gave only a dollar, it'd be 100 million dollars. Why didn't the event raise seventy-five million dollars? My own cruel nature says its because the U.S. talks a lot about helping veterans, but it's all lip service. If half of Congress were to promote the event (and giving) to their constituents instead of just talking bullshit about the armed forces, they could have helped raise tons more money. 

Seventy-Five Million

The sign for the Mega Millions the other day was $75 million dollars. 

Over 30 years, that's:

75/10=7.5

7.5/3=2.5

$2.5 million a year.

Say I was one of five winners; I would win $15 million.

Say I was one of ten winners; I would win $7.5 million. 

$500,000 or $250,000 a year for thirty years. Think you could live on that? 

I was thinking of being a big winner, and what kinds of things I could do with it. There are organizations that work with sex workers; trying to help them where they are; trying to help them leave that life and prosper after. There is an organization that I have volunteered with, and there is an organization that was featured on Oprah and/or CNN or CNBC, that I know are doing good work. If I could, I would give them $500,000 the first year; $1 million the second year; and $2 million the third year. I'd love to see what they could do with such a boost; what they could grow or make happen.

There are lots of people who are doing great work, who could use some kind of help to do more great work. What I really should be doing; what we all should be doing, is giving our time to these things; the investment of time is light years more valuable to the health of a society. If you think about your own life and the struggles you face, the investment of someone's time into your life would probably make a more vast difference than a bundle of money. 

Turn that around and think about someone whose life you could invest some time in. You may think your are poor in resources, but I would bet there is someone who is poorer than you; who could use an investment of you. Tutoring and mentoring can be just an hour a week. Same thing for CASA volunteers. Babysit somewhere. Teach English. Lend a hand. It is our selves that are the most valuable commodity that we possess. 

When It Was 400 Million

You know what I thought those days? Even if I won ten percent, it would still be HUGE. Even if I won one percent, that would still be shitload of money. (I'm still amused that the iPad's spellcheck doesn't recognize profanity.) 

But here were some thoughts I had on what I could do with the money.

1. Buy luxury health insurance for all my co-workers at the store.

2. Pay for food trucks to come provide low-cost or free lunch to my co-workers at the store.

3. Personally re-finance my friend's Mom's home loan with an awesome (or non-existent rate).

4. Put that friend's sister through college.

5. In fact, those are one percent or ten percent dreams. In the full-blown version, I offer a college education to anyone 25 and under in my neighborhood (which is largely working class). I'd even pay for adults to go back to school, if they were motivated.

6. I'd love to be able to put commercials on television, especially now during the shutdown.

7. I'd like to offer the neighborhood the chance to have their houses fixed up or renovated free of charge.

8. I'd like to set up small programs to show how they could be done - and should be done, as far as I'm concerned - that help train people for jobs and take care of pregnant teens or provide options for a woman considering abortion.

9. I'd like to hire organizers to drive programs that I believe can be done by people power as opposed to federal money. I'd like to shame the Republicans by showing them how it could be done and how they never do it.

Latest Prizes

Doing some random math, my tabulations of what a $149.4m prize would pay out over 30 years arrives at roughly $3 million a year.

The news report I just saw said the one public winner so far took a lump sum, which came to $88m, which, after taxes, comes to $60m. That's a million dollars a year for sixty years, and he's already 45, so probably more years than he's going to live. 

On a news report here in Washington, D.C., someone talked about helping the homeless. I've always had that idea, and while walking home after buying my ticket last night, I wondered what kinds of things I could or would do if I won the full $425 million. 

One of my dreams would be to buy a bunch of homes throughout the city and rent them out to people who have lived their whole lives in apartments; public housing to be specific. 

I'd love to be able to give people in my neighborhood opportunities; either by doing repairs on their homes or - now that I think of it - offering them educational or training opportunities, be they children, young adults, or parents and or senior citizens. It would be an amazing experiment to offer an entire low-income neighborhood assistance or opportunities to unlock their potential and see how it changes their lives. Opening them up to all kinds of education - scholastic or vocational - and giving them fulsome support in those fields and then watching to see if their lives follow the track similar to those students who receive similar support by virtue of birth or environment.